A Bitter Winter

Two nights ago I had to take down my trampoline, for insurance purposes, which makes me concerned for the upcoming winter season. The snowy months have always been a trigger for my anxiety and depression to heighten, with the trampoline being my scapegoat. I would take out all of my anger and general emotions on a punching bag I got from my aunt which helped relieve stress and get me through the more inactive months. I had to spend basically all of the 2016/2017 winter season away from my getaway, between going off to college and it breaking a few weeks after I got back, so I know exactly how well this could turn out for me.

Not well at all, in fact, it was probably one of the worst winters of my life. I got home after flunking out of my first semester of college and the one thing that could get me through it broke within a month. Let's just say I wasn't very pleased and would fall into a deep depression. Fortunately for my brother, however, I didn't turn to my usual violent tendencies that had scared him away from me all throughout high school, something I still deeply regret. The alternative to violence, turns out, is not doing anything at all. I would sit around in a trans all day for two full months right up until the week my dad died, which finally broke my slump.

Now that my trampoline is gone, again, I need to make sure that I am keeping myself busy enough to keep up with my anxiety and depression so I don't end up in the same place I was two years ago. Having to go through the Christmas season without my dad or cousin this year will prove a struggle that I will have to try and get through without having that release. The possibility of starting to work out on a regular basis is a good alternative, I think, and something I should consider, but I am notorious for being very lazy when it comes to traditional exercise.

Long story short I don't have that outlet I have so desperately needed in the past in order to get through the next few months, but I am confident that I could potentially find something that is as, or even more, effective then my trampoline. But there is always that lingering doubt, and worry for what could possibly be one of the toughest winters of my life.